When The Dust Settles. . .

"When The Dust Settles" was kind of a jokey catch phrase for Harry and me, all that first year. . .

The first year began at a Starbucks and ended with me trying to downsize my 20+years-worth of belongings & general effects such that I could fit me and my stuff into Harry's suburban South Jersey house - which he thought wouldn't sell until the housing bubble or whatever it was resolved. In fact, he got an offer that actually proceeded to a sale six weeks after I moved in. So THEN we had to do it again; downsize HARRY's 20+ years of stuff, to move to the house we live in now.

All this time, we kept saying to one another things like "I'd really like to go back to Greece with you WHEN THE DUST SETTLES. Maybe we can go to Paris together WHEN THE DUST SETTLES. . .

The DUST in question? His unsold (and maybe unsellable) house, my lack of a job, (both) our kids various struggles with college adulthood and beyond; general financial and personal issues that kept us tied to where we were at the time...

Now we can't say "as soon as the dust settles" without one or the other of us breaking down in hilarity.

Clearly the dust is with us always.

(Posted by Sally)

Common Ground: Posted by Harry

I've been thinking about Sallie's recent comment regarding our kids and remember all the talks we've had around this subject, about the experience of being a parent, and also about our pasts before children, and the revelation of suddenly realizing you had wanted to be a parent, and then the tide of feeling that had swept us away on becoming parents. Almost from the beginning of our relationship, in early dates (0? 1 or 2?) and certainly on our phone calls, we'd discussed the sacrifices of parenthood and the difficulty of relating to single people (especially on dating sites) who had never experienced that someone else in their lives were more important, or that the needs of a child came before everything else --- certainly before your own needs.

We will be back to hear the surf in that wonderful hotel room by the ocean.

And it was a sweet time. I didn't mind the wrath of the weather Gods too much. Walking on the beach at night in that kind of stormy weather was a gift, it really was.

My Baby.

Eric is recovering well from MRSA. It's sad he missed school this semester but it may be for a reason and work out for the best. It's too early to tell, but I do know son has some some growing to do and he already sounds like a different person because of the ordeal he went through --- the fever, and several days in the hospital.


I'll be back here soon. (Today hopefully)

Kids....

I've been thinking a lot, recently, about our (Harry's and my)five kids.
Maya,Evan, Eric, Ellen, Gwyn.

Between us we have: (my) 2 girls(his) twins plus two-years-older Evan. . . five kids/people.

Mine, at the moment, are mostly co-opted by their dad, my X. (He has (now) all the money. And they need to go to college, etc.etc

I did the breastfeeding, earlier. I chose not to fight with X over my babies ...They would have suffered: I could not do it)


His: MUCH more complicated.


He was in loco parentis when "mommy" went missing, to Colorado or Montana; in search of an old love or an old image of self or whatever.

My sweet Boyo.

Today he told me his middle child, his boy-twin, had MRSA.

Down the shore

We went to visit the ocean, and (only) incidentally all of our separate, collective and familial memories of: going to the beach/vacationing/having fun, etc, etc. . .

Actually it went quite well. We found a lovely B&B with jacuzzi(!); had lobster for dinner, walked on the beach at night, came back to bathe and cavort.. . But Harry had hoped to lure me into a kayak for a calm back-bay paddling experience and when the morning dawned blustery, coolish and very very rough he was forced to reconsider.He was gracious about it, but I know he was cursing the weather gods...driving across the causeway in search of coffee we were sloshed with high crashing waves; it was very exciting. Clearly not kayacking weather.

Harry was disappointed I know but we did have such a sweet time in the jacuzzi (and in the car, coming and going: remembering our past, and separate trips to the shore with kids, with exes, fun and disappointments)

We'll be back - to kayak, walk on the beach, to sleep and wake to the sound of the surf.

(posted by Sally)

September - Labor Day and Birthdays, etc.

Had dinner last night with Sally and her daughters at a new and fairly hip diner in the Northern Liberties section of Philadelphia. Sally's daughters were lovely and witty and fun to be with. The dinner was good, perfect diner fries, and I even courted cholesterol risk and had a piece of cheesecake for dessert.

Waiting for the weekend to begin. Work is extremely slow today but at least I'm working from home. I have two hours left until the start not only of a long holiday weekend with Sally, but a vacation week with her as well. Our aspirations: 1. Spend one romantic evening at the seashore and enjoy a lobster dinner; 2. Get all of our junk ready for the big Media town-wide yard sale next Saturday; 3. Celebrate Sallie's youngest daughter's 18th birthday next Friday. Sallie's youngest daughter will also be helping Sallie and I sell our old junk next Saturday while we are out foraging at our neighbors in hopes of finding new junk!

September is a big month for birthdays. My youngest son and daughter will have a birthday on Tuesday, September 8 (yes, twins). They will be 19. And my youngest niece turns 24 on September 17. I will write more about my twins' birthday on their birthday or soon after.

My other son, who is 22, is starting his last semester of college and will graduate with a BA in December (Hallelujah!). My youngest son is attending the same college, sophomore year. My daughter will hopefully be starting within the year. Sallie's daughter, who is a HS senior this year and highly ranked in her class, is checking out a number of very good schools in different regions of the country. I wish her the best. I know she'll make a good choice.

More to come when my thought processes are less fatigued....

***

And Travelling is Fun Too!
Posted by Harry

I totally understand what Sally means about finding so much happiness together in otherwise burdensome chores, and that is because of her. I have also found, over the course of the past year, that any travelling I've done with Sally, or any weekend or even daily excursion, has also been a joy, and not fraught with clashing agendas or other sources of friction.

We have recently come back from vacation a couple weeks ago. We were gone for only five days, and the first day, and part of the second day were taken up with my niece's wedding. Our traveling time afterward was pure balm. We drove up through Vermont in very hot weather for New England, and we made the best of an evening in Burlington after settling in a bit late and being tired from driving in the heat. We dined out three nights after the wedding: A fine Thai restaurant in Great Barrington, Massachusetts; a standard seafood restaurant on Lake Champlain in Burlington, Vermont; a nouvelle cuisine restaurant in Woodstock, NY (a favorite town of ours). In each of these places the dining experience was wonderful and transcendent --- not because of the food (which other than the Thai was delicious but not superb) or the ambience --- but because of Sally. Sally and I have always enjoyed dining out and take pleasure in food, wine and conversation, and we have relished a number of equally perfect evenings cooking and dining at home. I know we are not alone in this shared sensual enjoyment, but we also travel well together, even when tired, puzzling over road maps or atlas, and woozy from plummeting blood sugar. It isn't every couple who can claim harmony while traveling. X and I enjoyed traveling together also, but we didn't fare as well in chores.

Perhaps because Sally and I find ample pleasure in chores and everything simple and quotidian, it doesn't surprise me that dining and traveling would be the "icing on the cake." (Mmmm, did someone say, "cake?")